It's piccy time

So we had our latest visit to the hospital. Everything is progressing as intended. Babies are developing well. One is a couple of days behind the other, but there's always been one smaller than the other and proportionally they're developing at the same rate.

You'll have to excuse the blurriness of the images. The camera wasn't really cut out for this kind of thing.

I think the one on the left is T2. So far that's the best name we've come up with for the little lad. Although we are moving towards "Owen" for this one. That may firm up, depending on which England player scores the winning goal in the World Cup final.

This pic (on the right... hopefully... if I haven't screwed up the formatting) proves - for those of you who may have had doubts - that we are having twins.

I guess it also proves that they're gonna be pretty close. They seem to revel in lying on top of each other. Which makes getting decent pictures pretty difficult.

Think T1 is on the left and T2 on the right. T1 so far is called Thomas. And no, there's no chance of it ever changing to Rooney. Or Defoe.

Due date so far is anywhere between late July and start of August. It's all a bit up in the air, particularly as twin births very rarely go full term. I'm reckoning start to middle of July myself. I guarantee now that it will coincide with England winning the World Cup for the first time in forty years.

Not much else to report in the visit. Pig had some glucose and protein in her urine, which isn't fantastic news. They'll keep an eye on things to make sure it's nothing to be concerned about and to treat it if it is.

This is T1 on his own. Not sure if he's got a headache, he's waving or if he's telling the sonographer to bugger off.

So that's it for now. Sure Pig will get round to updating her blog with some more of what's been going on in the Sid and the Pig household.

It's all been a bit hectic, so you'll have to excuse the sporadic posting. It's not you... it's me. My mind (and my heart) is on someone else. Or rather a couple of other people. And their lovely Mum too, obviously.

Oh - and if you have any better suggestions for boys' names then please post a comment.

Not staying...

Just gonna give a quick update on the world of us.

Things are progressing well, although I'm sure the pig might disagree given how cack she feels. We even got to go out to a pub. Friends of ours were embarking on a bit of a tour so we popped over to Hull to say hi-bye. You can check on their progress here.

In other news, it's been snowing. It's ace. Snow is fantastic. Just wish it was heavy enough to prevent us going to work, rather than make it take two hours to get there. The place looks stunning in the snow.

We've got an anatomy scan next week, so I'll be back with a proper post on Monday night if I'm not too lazy.

And the pig's sister should be moving in this weekend. She's flying over as we speak.

Two little boys had two little toys

Yes, yes I know I've not been around. Got a lot on my plate, ok?

It's been tough coming up with a post these last couple of weeks. My mind has been in a bit of a fug due to having way too many things going on in it. I got used to the idea of being a Dad. Then I got used to the idea of it being twins. Then we had the added stress of mono-amniotic twins. It was all a bit much really.

But my mind eventually calmed down, helped by some productive weekends around the house a bit of a refocus at work and a nice visit from the Grandparents to be.

So with a slightly more sorted outlook it was just time to wait for today's scan and then I could get back into this thing and reacquaint myself with you (albeit in many ways imaginary) lovely readers.

Today's scan was good.

The consultant was much friendlier as was the rather loud midwife who we saw a few weeks ago. They were chatty, even to the extent of faking remembering conversations they'd had with us previously. Then they commenced the assault on Pig's bladder (one thing that pregnant women never tell you is that ultrasound scans have to be done on a full bladder and if they're searching hard for something then they're putting quite a strain on it).

First revelation was that the little mites had developed to such an extent that you could make out their genitals. The fact that you could make out genitals kind of gives away the big reveal.

We're gonna have sons. Two little twin heart-throbs.

Then there was the next revelation. They spotted a membrane.

Yes, I know that finding out the sex of your unborn children should be the big news. But you have no idea of the relief that finding that faint line on the screen brought us. No longer do we have the fear of tangles and the horrible statistics of a mono-amniotic pregnancy to contend with. Just a nice regular twin pregnancy.

So all in all, a good day.

We've got more pictures to show you, but the stills never really convey the feeling of when you're in the ultrasound room watching the twitches and movements of those two little boys.

Oh, and my Dad's chuffed 'cos now he can take them to the football. Like any daughters of Pig would be fussy, prissy little girls that wouldn't have enjoyed that kind of thing.

Part 1 - The Wedding (Off to see the other Dad)

So we had our honeymoon and it was fantastic.

Then it was back to Johannesburg and goodbye to most of our party. BM stayed on and our SA friends who had accompanied us went off to enjoy the sun and countryside.

The next part of our holiday was to be spent in Kwazulu-Natal with Pig's biological father (I came to the conclusion through the holiday that "real" father was an unfair title, as her step-father is way more of a real father than the one who supplied her genes). This part of the holiday was a bit surreal.

We were to stay with Dad v.1, his partner and a couple of his friends in a guest house that they had arranged. So we drove the few hundred miles from JHB to Howick with the aim of getting more detailed directions once we'd arrived. We got there and gave him a ring. He informed us that they were at another friend's house. They were having some drinks and would be having a barbecue (well, obviously he didn't call it that being South African but I'm done with my colloquialisms for the moment). Could we pick up some drinks and some food?

No problem, we thought and bought the supplies. I phoned him back to get directions and he handed me over to a very confused guy who gave me vague but strangely successful directions to their place.

We rolled up and were greeted by a strange site. A middle aged (and rather gone to seed) woman in the skimpiest bikini you could imagine. A feral child of about three wandering naked and refusing to be controlled by anyone. Dad v.1 and his partner lounging in the sun and obviously a little worse for wear. A young couple (the parents of the feral one) and their baby. None of them quite sure what was going on. They'd been to see a white sangoma (I know that isn't the right spelling). They were all a little altered.

It was summed up by two things:

1) It took three hours before one of the party turned to the pig and asked if she and Dad v.1 were related, "cos you look alike".
2) Roughly an hour after this, the sangoma and her two apprentices turned up with a bottle of champagne. When we asked what the champagne was for we were informed it was the guy of the young couple's birthday. We'd been there four hours and no-one had thought it was worth telling us this.

It was all a bit... odd.

So that afternoon and evening passed and we followed the slightly inebriated couple back to the guest house we'd be staying in.

The next day we'd be visiting a sea-world type place (on Dad v.1's partner's prompting) in Durban.

We got up in the morning to find v.1 and his partner about to set off to collect the mad middle-aged woman from the weird people's guest house. He'd pick up his mother (Pig's grandmother) and see us at the sea world type place.

We got there and had a look around. Pig phoned v.1. He was running late so he said we should enjoy ourselves for a bit. It was a bit of a miserable day so we looked through some shops and sat on the beach in the drizzle. We phoned again. They were still running late. We got some lunch. We wandered around a bit more. V.1 finally phoned - he'd arrived. We accompanied them while they had lunch. Then we went to the aquarium. Then we went home. Ace!

Now one thing I should just explain to you is that Dad v.1 is a bit of a thinker. He used to be an architect and then scaled back his life to find himself. He's been writing a book for about ten years. His open mindedness has had a very positive influence on Pig and the way she approaches the world. But now, he's retreated into the world of theory so much that he doesn't seem overly connected to the real world. His life is so theoretical that other people's schedules don't matter to him. Other people's feelings often seem to pass him by. He adapts his perception to fit into his theoretical view of the world. He self edits to such an extent that it's almost as if he doesn't see the same world as you or I would.

That evening was spent Ten Pin Bowling. I don't mind telling you that v.1 was crap. Theory is all well and good, but it doesn't really help in games of skill. We slaughtered him. It gave me far more pleasure than it should.

The next day we went to the mall to do our Christmas shopping. Once that was out of the way we could concentrate on the main purpose of our being there - making our marriage legal.

You see, even though v.1 had performed marriage ceremonies before his forethought hadn't extended to how we would make it legal. We thought it only right therefore to get the legal side of things sorted out in such a way that the person who performed the ceremony could at least be there when we made it legal. We had a vain hope that he might even help us a bit.

No such luck.

On that morning, as we prepared to head off to the Magistrates Court, v.1 said his goodbyes and he and his partner headed off to the beautiful countryside near Lesotho. We would have to do this ourselves...

More tests

So we went for another antenatal and ultrasound today. We'd pushed for the tests for Downs and Edwards and what-not. Us being us, if there's a none-invasive test out there we'll go for it.

The results came back very good, we're at less risk of those things than other people with our backgounds. The chances are infinitesimally small.

The twins are doing well. They've grown and are closer to being the same time size now. But it's looking more and more certain that they're mono-amniotic. This is a bit of a worry.

For those who don't know (and baring in mind that this is from someone who's new to all this twin stuff), twins can either have separate placentas, share a placenta (mono-chorionic) or share both a placenta and amniotic sack (mono-chorionic and mono-amniotic). Ours are the third kind.

This means a couple of things. They're definitely identical. They're less likely (apparently) to suffer from twin transfusion problems. But they are in quite a high risk group due to sharing all their living space. What this means in practice is that there's the potential for complications due to the chords getting tangled.

We're trying not to let it phase us too much. There's nothing at all we can do about it at the moment. What it does mean is that they will have to be monitored very carefully once they are viable (in terms of delivery). It means that they are much more likely to be premature and that the chances of a natural birth are fairly slim.

So we're a bit stressed but trying to remain optimistic and to continue treating the pregnancy as the blessing that we still believe it is. The babies are healthy and active, so there's no reason to think that anything is wrong at the moment.

We'll keep you posted on further developments. I only wish we'd had the presence of mind to ask for some hard copies as everything was much clearer this time.

Part 2 - Back in the real world

Another one of our typical weekends. Moving furniture around. Eating junk. Watching cheesy TV.

The house is now thankfully free of builders (they haven't finished yet, just that they haven't got much left to do inside), so another room was free to be filled with furniture. Again, we've reassured ourselves that this will be a great house... one day.

Got a nice message from a friend of ours in the U.S. Her reaction to the twin news was just what we needed. Happy, but full of "Oh, My God!"s.


Anyway, back to the compulsive "Celebs do Ice Skating" thing that we're watching at the moment.

(Do you like the nerdy category thing I've put in now? Such amazing programming skills. You never lose 'em, y'know. Course in my day, it was all done in Notepad, mutter, mutter)

Part 1 - The Wedding (Safari)

So after the wedding it was time for the honeymoon. Being in Africa, this meant it was Safari time. Being us, this meant dragging seven of our friends along with us.

We drove from Johannesburg to a fantastic spot near Sabi Sands called Djuma and stayed in the Galago camp. We arrived at night and were stunned at how The Pig had excelled herself in organising this place for us.

It's a fantastic place for a group of friends to go to and experience the bush in all it's beauty. Clean, functional rooms. A big open space for a camp fire and to cook. An outside, covered dining area. All curved around a view of a grassy plain. We sat around and aclimatised ourselves to the sounds of the bush and the millions of insects. Then it was an early night so that we could be up for the morning bush drive.

What a drive. Our rangers got a call that some leopards had been spotted. Leopards are very difficult to see when you're holidaying in the bush. We drove to where they'd been seen and caught a glimpse of them through the shrubbery. It was incredible, but it was only the start. We drove on a bit further and saw another leopard in the trees, with a kill. It dragged it down and the rest of the family gathered around it. Our driver took us to within a couple of meters and we watched as mother, father and two juveniles took turns to crunch through the body. No words, or even photographs can get across how unbelievable it was.

The rest of the drive just continued in the same vein. We saw a cheetah, we saw a family of lions, we saw an elephant, we saw buffalo. We even saw a hippo as we stopped for a cigarette break.

It took us until the evening to see a Rhino, otherwise that would have been the entire big six in one morning.

The rest of our time at the camp was just as good. Everything we asked our rangers to track down they did. We saw herds of elephants, with babies playing in a waterhole. We saw more leopards (one - a cub on it's own, playing at stalking gecko's, probably the cutest thing I have seen in my life). We saw a pair of cheetahs, slinking their way through their territory. More lions. Our rangers could even spot cameleons in the trees at night.

There were so many highlights, that I keep thinking of more as I type. The elephant that almost came into the camp to drink from the pool. The trip to our ranger's village. The dung beetles.

Just an awesome experience.

...

Oh, and Zinnia - those comments were directed solely at the people who've said those things to us in person. Thanks for the links and please don't let my ranting put you off from commenting again.

Starting to sink in

The shock of two little miracles coming along is slowly starting to sink in. So before this blog turns into an endless series of posts about how our lives are about to change in a massive way, I'll try and make some headway on getting you updated on the wedding.

** Warning - contains actual pictures of myself and the pig (it's difficult to share your wedding pictures with the world without including ones with your face in) **

Part 1 - The Wedding (Reception)

So where were we? Ah, yes we got married.

The ceremony was lovely except for the frankly not brief enough Celine Dion musical interlude.

Following the ceremony there was the obligatory meet and great with everyone who had come along. This was accompanied by obligatory "compliments" on our music selection.

At least it cut through the emotion and returned things to what we had originally intended - fun.

What seemed like about three hours later - after photograph upon photograph - Pig and I surgically removed our lips from our teeth (who would have thought smiling for so long could become so uncomfortable?) and headed along for the reception. Now the fun could begin.

We ate. We drank. Finally it was time for the speeches.

My best man took the mic and nervously began. He was wonderful. Throughout the ceremony I had managed not to cry. But his speech was so complimentary to the Pig and I and so warm and unabashedly heartfelt that I couldn't help getting choked.

Then it was my turn. As is my way I just made it up as I went along. I think it went ok. It brought out some more tears in the Pig, so it can't have been too bad.

The Pig followed me and had her say in her usual style. You see - I'm the soppy one, she's the funny one. So guests were admonished for still wearing their ties in spite of our instructions. Female guests were told to remove their stockings. People were basically reminded that this was our wedding, so that meant no formality and everyone would enjoy themselves Goddamnit!

Then we could relax and enjoy ourselves as much as the guests were.

In a lot of ways, a South African wedding reception is very similar to a British one. Or should I say, very similar to Peter Kaye's description of a British one. All the classics were there: Jive Bunny, Greece Megamix. Plus a few new ones - including the rather bizarre Afrikaans tradition of the Sakkie (look it up). The only difference is that there's less self-consciousness and more wild abandon. Which isn't a bad thing at all.

I even managed to drink all day and indulge in shooters with our American friends who came over.

/ As an aside, one side effect of the ileostomy that I discovered while in SA is that drinking is a pretty pointless exercise. If you're lucky you get drunk for around fifteen minutes. Then you have about fourteen hours of being dehydrated. It makes for an appearance of having a manly tolerance for alcohol, but soon becomes very boring and you reach for a fruit juice.

So we mingled and we danced and we sat and we started to feel the excursions and emotions of the day catch up with us.

We headed off to our suite to spend our first night together as a married couple...

Which largely consisted of opening our cards and presents and then collapsing exhausted into the rather massive bed. After all, we had a big day ahead the next day as we'd be heading off for our Safari...

(See how I whetted your appetite there?)

Part 2 - The Present (How the hell are we gonna cope?)

So this twin business is starting to catch up with us. The endless platitudes and hollow comments are all well and good ("You don't do anything by halves, do you?" (just realised that was a comment Zinnia made, sorry darlin'), "What are the chances of that, eh?", "Well done (to me, like it was all thanks to me)!", "Do you have twins in the family", "That'll be a lot of work"), but you just get the feeling that no-one has grasped that this is a BIG FUCKING DEAL!.

Things are already tough for the pig. She's really knackered. Yesterday we had to go down to London for a meeting. Leaping out of bed at six, a looong train journey, a long interminable meeting where she had to maintain a cheery client face, another looong train journey and then a slump onto the sofa is not an ideal day for any pregnant woman, let alone one who has just found out she's carrying twins.

So we're still reeling. The only things that are helping me maintain my sanity are the thoughts of the two beautiful children we're going to have (if they take after their mother) and my absolute faith in the resources of my wife. If only she'd allow herself not to be super-pregnant woman every once in a while.

By the way (and continuing the "my wife is wonderful" theme) if any of you are considering berating me for referring to the pig as the pig, just take a look at the picture above and you'll realise that it's said with a massive amount of irony.

Oh, and before I go - hello to those of you in Australia (you know who you are).

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

So we went along for our scan.

Pig (I'm sick of calling her The Wife - seems so impersonal) clambered onto the table. The radiographer put the jelly on her belly and started searching around for a baby.

"So, I hear you're a bit worried it might be twins then?"
"Yes" We both replied.

Blurred images faded in and out of view as the ultrasound burrowed its way through Pig's tum.

"Well..." the radiographer said.

A baby came into view. There was something indistinct to it's right. It started to coalesce into something more recognisable. Yup... you've guessed it.

Another baby.

We didn't know whether to laugh or cry. So we decided to do both (me mainly laughing, pig mainly crying).

Another twenty minutes or so of poking around, with a second radiographer coming in to help and it was well and truly confirmed.

Twins.

As far as they can tell, identical twins.

We've spent the afternoon talking to relatives and otherwise being stunned. A baby was always going to be hard work. As happy as we are (and believe me, we are happy), we just can't imagine how much hard work twins are going to be.

I'll post something that makes a bit more sense next time.

Until then, here are some pictures - I hope you can make them out. They make a lot more sense when they're moving.

Crashing on...

So in the same spirit as the last entry, here we go...

Part I - The Wedding Bit

So we awoke in our hotel bedroom on the morning of our wedding. A quick dash to the mall to get some last minute essentials (primarily socks for the bride to wear with her surprise wedding footwear) and then the bride of the moment was off to get her hair cut and her makeup done for the day.

So that left me in charge for the first time in ages.

I gathered the British posse and we made our way to the venue (for reasons way too boring to go into we stayed in a different hotel for the couple of nights before the wedding and would be staying at the venue for the night of the wedding). We then plonked ourselves down and waited... and waited... and then went to the bar... and drank... and waited. The wedding was to commence at four, so there was a lot of waiting.

BM did a good job of checking my nerves and looking after me. I had a couple of things to arrange (this was the first chance to talk to the DJ), but largely I was surplus to requirements.

Then the time came. We toddled off to BM's room and got ready.

Then we went out to the setting for the wedding and we waited again.

And finally the time of the wedding arrived. My balls shrunk and my gut dropped into my toes as the BM and I took our places at the mini lapa for the ceremony.

The music started and I could sense behind me the bride approaching. I was routed to the spot as I waited for her to draw up alongside me. I turned and there she was, looking every bit as spectacular as I imagined she would be.

Her father took the microphone and started the ceremony. We both waited expectantly wondering what he was going to say.

To be honest, he started badly. He started some rambling analogy about defining ourselves in relation to other things. I saw momentary dread on the then w2b's face. Luckily he seemed to pick up on this and gave us the brief version. Then it was on with the rest of the ceremony.

We needn't have worried. Despite his strange views on life, the universe and everything. Despite his disconnectedness with the real world and tendency to live his life academically. Despite of all the aspects of his personality I would learn later in the holiday to dislike. Despite all of these things his words were perfect.

Then it was time for our bits. My salivary glands refused to work and I gasped my way through the words. W2b's eyes began to tear and she squeezed my hand for reassurance - guessing, correctly or otherwise that I was struggling (I don't to this day know whether I was nervous or overcome with emotion). She said her parts with a strong voice but with tears trickling down her face.

We fumbled with an overly complicated arrangement of rings, ribbons and roses and finally placed them on each other's fingers. More words and we kissed.

Then we made our way down to the "congregation" for w2b's father's surprise musical bit. He'd told us previously that there would be a part in the ceremony for music. He had a couple of suggestions for a song and we tried our best to track down the one that sounded least offensive (some Pavarotti and Bryan Adams thing). Little did we know he'd brought a track along himself.

We were told to stand in a circle and hold our hands. Then we were to close our eyes and listen to the music as all that were gathered wished their best wishes to the couple. So we stood and waited and the music started.

And there it was. Celine Dion. Singing "The Power of Love".

I snuck a look at my new bride. She snuck a look back at me. We shared a half offended, half amused smile. Then I started to silently giggle. My wife's eyes widened as she tried to tell me silently to stop. Then she started. Our shoulders began to shake. We looked around and others in the circle were looking around, amused.

And it just went on and on and on.

By the end, the only people not laughing - either at the music or the reactions were my wife's father and his partner.

I imagine he still thinks that the wife's shaking was due to being overcome with emotion.

Part II - The Present

I'll try and keep this brief as I think I've gone on a bit with the bit above.

The dogs have gone. We found a nice new family for them. Even though we know it's the best thing for them, it was still hard. There were tears and there was guilt.

The wife is feeling a bit rotten, counting down to the end of the first trimester.

The house isn't finished.

Still loving being married and can't believe my luck at the person I've found.

I hate homework

When I was a kid, even though I was a bit of a swat one thing I could never get the hang of was homework. Schoolwork came easily to me, but give me something to do in my own time, to my own timetable and with a seemingly far off deadline and I was screwed. I'd leave it and leave it, allowing the overall volume to increase and increase. This in turn fed on itself and made the prospect of getting round to doing any work progressively less appealing.

What I'm trying to say is I know I've got a lot to cover in this blog and the more I put it off, the more I end up having to do.

So I'm gonna try and pull my finger out. In my usual nerdy style, I reckon the best way to do this is to break each entry up into two parts and catch up gradually over the next few days that way.

Part I - The Wedding Bit

Ok, so fly back in time to the start of December. We packed as lightly as we could and welcomed our Animal Aunt to the house. After a brief run through of how the place worked we took ourselves off to bed and set the alarm for some god-awful hour when we'd get woken up to get our taxi to the airport.

The alarm inevitably went off (seemingly) the second I closed my eyes and we blearily got ourselves ready for the taxi to arrive - trying our hardest not to wake Aunty and (more importantly) the dogs. A barely awake journey later we were at Manchester Airport, then checked in and on our flight to Amsterdam. A slightly more awake but no more less confused our or two later we were checked through and onto our flight to South Africa. A mere twelve or so hours later we were in another hemisphere and on another continent.

We were greeted at the airport by The Wife's mother and step-father. It was evening and unseasonably cool so not too much of a shock from the UK. We arrived at The Wife's parents' house and were welcomed by the clan of brothers and sisters and (as I later found out was unavoidable) a beer for me.

The next day was spent chilling by the pool. More beer. A slight sizzle from our pale bodies as they became accustomed to sun once again. Tons of tasty meat on the Brie. Life was good. This was a December I could get used to.

The week was spent largely tidying up the last loose ends for the wedding. Getting suits for myself, my best man and The Wife's brother. Haircuts. Buying a few presents for the Wedding party. Picking up guests from the airport. Talking to The Wife's father about the ceremony - not much to be gleaned there, the ceremony would be kept as a surprise to both of us. I was largely a spare wheel in the whole thing and was left to look after kids by the pool (The Wife's parents seemed to have a house constantly teeming with kids) while the women did the important stuff.

So a week later, we finally left the family home and headed off to a hotel to spend the night before The Wedding. No fans of tradition, we spent the night together. This was our wedding and we'd do it our way...

Part II - The Present

So here we are now. Wales is cold. The house is a lot closer to completion but still not there. The Wife is knackered due to the impending arrival. We've also had to come to a bit of an unfortunate decision...

We're going to have to rehome the dogs.

We've tried to get them completely house trained and it's almost there. We've tried to make them less clingy and that's working less well. We've tried to make them occupy less of our time and that hasn't worked at all.

This would all be perfectly fine if it was just the two of us. But we've got someone way more important than the both of us to think about now. Unfortunately, as much as we love the two little buggers there's just no way we can envisage the next six months - pregnant wife, half-finished house, incredible amount of preparation to do - with them. Worse than that, the thought of looking after them and a baby just plain terrifies us.

So the next few weeks will be spent finding a good home for the boys. We love them dearly and it breaks our hearts, but at least this way we can find a good home and provide a life for them that they deserve.

So ho-hum, we'll just have to see how it all pans out.

A Happy New Year from my wife and I

So we did it. We travelled to SA, got married, saw animals and returned as mister and missus to good old chilly blighty.

I'll give much more information soon. But for the moment I'll just let you know that we're both doing well - and that includes our embryonic addition.

Will write more once I've shaken this cold that the wife and I have managed to pick up. Fingers crossed it's not malaria. Anyone know the symptoms?

Trying was easy

It's easy to sound smug and gloating when the conception happened so quickly and easily. But I never thought that the Tryingtm would be so much easier than the having. I thought that it would be a time of stress, inevitable disappointment and waiting. I imagined that once we'd got the positive result we would have a few weeks of anticipation and then months of foot-rubs and craving runs (for w2b, I know it would be a bit much for me to ask her to massage my feet and to track down my favourite foods). Then of course, the complete life-upside down, no sleep, emotional wreck new life to look after bit.

But this limbo time that we're going through at the moment has stresses that I just wasn't prepared for. W2b - so often the comfortably and predictably insane one - is waaaaay more volatile than she is normally (her being volatile is normally an absolute rarity). The lack of a concrete clarification from anyone remotely medical[1] has left us feeling not quite pregnant. We're just stuck in a kind of "almost pregnant waiting room".

W2b is knackered, both from the physical and the emotional changes going on with her. She's also struggling really hard to take it all in her stride. My admiration for her just grows and grows. I just hope I can do my bit.

I've done a little searching for info, but it's all pretty lacking from a dad-to-be perspective. This guy's blog provided some insight into things, but unfortunately he blogs less than I do. I have however ordered the following books from Amazon:

• So You're Going to Be a Dad
• She's Having a Baby
• She's Had a Baby: And I'm Having a Meltdown

You've got to love the title of the last one. Reviews will follow.

In the meantime I'll keep looking for advice. I'll keep doing what I'm doing: being supportive, taking the dogs out for their endless toilet trips, maybe painting another room tomorrow, offering myself up as a sounding board/punch bag wherever I can, not pestering for sex ;). Keeping my fingers crossed that this will all stabilise and we can look forward to our potential new family. Before you say anything, no - I don't mean just so I can get some nookie.

On the plus side, the countdown to SA can begin in earnest. We fly out on the 2nd December. Wedding is on the 10th. Back home on Boxing Day. No work till 3rd January. Yay! Just a couple more days work to get through.

If we could just get the medical side of things and the house side of things sorted out, we could breathe easily.

[1] We finally got to see someone today but she was useless. Not only was she very new to the practice nurse position, but she had very little power or inclination to get anything sorted. She couldn't get w2b booked in to see anyone to confirm the pregnancy. She couldn't prescribe anything, or even advise on what kind of anti-malarials were suitable during pregnancy. All in all a complete wasted journey. In the end w2b had to use her legendary tenacity to sort out an appointment herself. There are some downsides to living this side of the border.

As positive as you can be...

So the trying was fun while it lasted. My soldiers have performed their duty admirably and we were rewarded last week with a dim +. The + has grown stronger and stronger these past days.

Admittedly it's very early days but we're really happy. If a little stressed and nervous.

W2b has consulted all the websites and knows (at least in theory) what the next few months hold for us. This is all provided it all goes to plan of course. Hold thumbs as those foreigners say.

Only thing is - where does that leave me?

I'm trying to do my best in my usual ham fisted way. I'm working hard to navigate the slightly heightened emotion, whether these be hormone induced or just through the nervous, apprehensive excitement that we're going through at the moment. I'm trying wherever possible to make her life as easy and stress free as possible.

But it all seems a bit... inadequate.

Lets face it. My biological job was done over the course of a few minutes a couple of weeks ago. So it's no wonder I (no doubt like a lot of other dads-to-be out there) feel like a bit of a fifth wheel. I want to be useful, but what can I do?

Guess I'll just have to resolve to not make w2b's part in this any harder than it has to be. Oh, and to do what she's done already and scour the internet for as much information as I can find.

This tagging lark...

I've been tagged, apparently. Course it was by w2b so I'm not sure that qualifies as any kind of Blog notoriety.

Ten Years Ago:
I was still at University, studying (yawn) Software Engineering. Most of the time seemed to consist of *ahem* drinking myself into a stupor and trying to work out valid reasons for not going to lectures.

Five Years Ago:
If I've calculated it right I think I'd just bought my first house (not in a big shot property developer way, but in a "this is the first house that I've got a mortgage for and bought"). I think I was also starting to realise that something may be a bit wrong with my tummy.

One Year Ago:
We'd just got our two nightmare pups and were trying to transform the house from the bachelor pad/undecorated hovel that it had been for the four years that I'd lived there on my own. People suspected our relationship wouldn't last, but we were gradually turning them round...

5 Yummy Things
1) Spicy Pizza
2) Tea
3) J2O (Orange and Passion fruit, the nectar of the Gods - if this had been around thirty years ago George Best wouldn't be in intensive care right now)
4) Smoked Salmon and Cream Cheese Bagel
5) Roast Lamb, Yorkshire Pudding and Gravy

5 Songs I know by heart
1) Everybody Hurts - REM (actually, most of the REM back catalogue)
2) Basketcase - Green Day
3) Jesus Doesn't Want Me For A Sunbeam - Nirvana
4) Friday, I'm in Love - The Cure
5) A Day In The Life - The Beatles

(w2b forgot/neglected to mention that she knows all the words to Ice, Ice, Baby by Vanilla Ice)

5 Things I would do if I had a lot of money
1) Tell everyone at work what I really think of them.
2) Make life really comfortable for my friends and family.
3) Buy a house somewhere hot.
4) Buy a house somewhere cold and dramatic.
5) Start a completely pointless business.

5 Things I would never wear
1) Lycra.
2) Speedos.
3) White jeans.
4) Gold Jewellery.
5) Burberry.

5 Favourite TV Shows
1) The West Wing.
2) ER.
3) CSI.
4) Lost.
5) Star Trek (any of 'em).

5 Things I enjoy doing
1) Staying in bed longer than I should (ideally with w2b).
2) Talking/singing/babbling with w2b.
3) XBox.
4) "Posing" Will (just have to explain here that Will is our incredibly malleable, gay cat. He loves to lay on your knee and have is belly scratched. He also puts up with any amount of manipulation - no matter how stupid the position you put him in).
5) Practicing for what we have just (fingers crossed) accomplished - more in a bit.

I'd love to have Zinnia complete this but understand that it may interrupt the flow of the narrative a little.

Oh, and those of you who haven't been reading w2b's blog won't know our big news. We got our first "+" on Thursday last week. So we're hopeful that if all goes according to plan we may have more than just a wedding to announce next month.

Chuffed? You bet we are.

Just one more question...

This put to w2b by her friend BGA:

• Q. If I was gay, would my bum still be useful? ("I" as in MyMateSid, not BGA - there's no "if" there)
• A. I guess so. It would certainly be cleaner than the usual ones you come across. It's a little dented, but otherwise intact. Not sure whether it might fill up quicker than most though. Too much detail?

(Oh my God. Just realised I used the phrase "come across" in reference to my bottom. Ah, well. Too late now)

Your questions answered

Over the last couple of days, I've been answering more than my usual share of questions about my ileostomy. These have been from various sources (National Statistics, my osteopath and a friend I've met via w2b). So I guess it's worth sharing (some of these I've come up with myself as they are the kind of questions I might have asked myself)...

• Q. Does the ileostomy hamper your work in any way?
• A. Not in the slightest. It may affect the kind of work I could do (Nothing that requires me to dip in and out of water all day, to lie prone on my belly or rough physical contact - professional mud wrestler would be out then), but doesn't affect my current job.

• Q. Do you require any long term medication?
• A. The only medication I take on any kind of regular basis is Zoton which is used purely to keep my acid levels down.

• Q. Where is the stoma?
• A. It's lower than my navel (about an inch lower) and to the right by just over an inch.

• Q. What does it look like?
• A. Its around 25mm in diameter and just over an inch in length (do you like the seamless switch between metric and imperial - didn't know I was bi-lingual did you?). It's about the same colour as the inside of your mouth. It's shiny. The opening is quite small but can stretch - varying between about 5mm and well over 10mm.

• Q. How is the bag stuck on?
• A. It's stuck to my belly with a stronger version of the adhesive they use on plasters. Luckily I get supplied with a spray that allows you to remove the bag without too much pain - unless I forget to shave.

• Q. How often do you have to change the bag?
• A. Roughly every three days. I can tell when I'm pushing it as it starts to get itchy. This is due to the waste starting to eat away at the glue and getting underneath.

• Q. Does everything go into it (meaning farts)?
• A. Yes. Wind is actually the biggest reason for having to empty it. Especially at night. But w2b isn't complaining. Rather that than have me farting in bed. Best not to have an en-suite bathroom though.

• Q. How often do you have to empty it?
• A. Depends. I can't go more than about six hours usually. It all depends on when I eat, what I eat, what I've drank, how hydrated I am... all sorts really.

• Q. It must make public toilets a more pleasant experience, not having to sit down?
• A. Yes and no. I don't have to sit, granted. I do however have to kneel down, which can be unpleasant - light trousers can be a no-no. I'm also a bit closer to the business end of things.

• Q. Is the other plumbing alright?
• A. Yep. No problems there. There can be occasions of impotence with some people, but I've been thankfully spared. I do sometimes get unbearable urges to repeatedly go for a wee, but I think this might be a bit more to do with dehydration. Plus, I still need to build up the muscles around there a bit as they were pretty massacred by the surgery.

Phew! I think that will do for now. If anyone has any further questions please post them as comments. I know I would have loads - whether I was facing the surgery myself or if I had just been introduced to someone who'd had it.

Brief round-up of other stories in our area:

• W2b is back, but doesn't seem to be with child at the moment. So yay and boo.
• The book on Humanist Weddings arrived in the post and it's ace. I'm more and more sure that I could legitimately class myself as a Humanist. Thankyou Zinnia, it's exactly what we were looking for.
• We got the phone lines fixed and have now had Sky installed. Woo-hoo!

Bye for now - remember, post the comments. You know how much I love talking about myself.

I'm crap without her

So w2b has gone off to Manchester for a few days (she's learning how to project manage - don't know if it's for work or so she can tell our builder how to get his shit together) leaving me to the inept bachelor life style I was used to before she came along.

So you know what I've realised...?

Without her - I'm useless.

Problem no. 1: Food

Don't get me wrong, I can cook. Plus, now that Sid's come along I like to eat. But without w2b's guidance I forget to eat. Then, when I remember (or am prompted) I can't decide on what to eat. Luckily, before she left w2b popped along to Nando's and got some extra chicken. I can at least have toasted chicken and mayo sarnies. Which leads me to Problem no. 2...

Problem no. 2: I can't find anything

So I went into the kitchen to revel in my culinary expertise and couldn't find the sandwich toaster ("snackwich" machine in SA parlance). Bear in mind that we have exactly 10 cupboards in our compact kitchen. Luckily w2b phoned just as I was beginning my third circuit and let me in on the secret of where she had "hidden" it. Yeah, yeah it was in one of the cupboards (one day I will do an entire entry on what has now been termed "man-looking" in our household).

NB This is also the reason why I haven't posted any pictures, even though there's been some nice progress

Problem no. 3: I second guess the things I say

When w2b and I are together we are disturbingly frank with each other. We speak our minds and never have to worry about putting things across properly - it's kind of second nature. It's also one of the reasons why we never argue (I know, sickening isn't it?). But when we're apart and chatting either on the phone or over MSN I'm always worried about how things come across. I tread a fine line between expressing how much I'd like to be with her and sounding like an obsessive stalker who doesn't want her out of my sight. It makes me wonder how we ever got together when we were going through the Long Distance Relationshiptm stage.


I guess what I'm trying to say is I miss her. Horribly. And can't wait for her to be back.

Food that doesn't digest #1

One of the interesting side effects of having an ileostomy is that you learn pretty quickly which foods do and which foods don't digest. I'm currently experiencing the surreal joy of one of the latter.

Last night I decided (read: was told by w2b) to show my culinary expertise by cooking a stir fry. So I proceeded in Ken Hom fashion to put pre-chopped (i.e. chopped before they arrived in the supermarket) food into a big pan in exactly the correct order followed by covering them in shop-bought black bean sauce. Gordon Ramsey would be proud.

Unfortunately, one of the ingredients was mushrooms. So I am now spending my Sunday morning wishing I'd chewed more, like my mother told me I should. Thanks to the bag I am at least spared the sight of mushrooms emerging like a new born out of Sid's mouth. I am however greeted by the experience of having my bag fill up at an alarming rate and then watching as totally undigested food is pored into the toilet bowl, complete with a dark brown stir-fry sauce. If the noodles and beansprouts hadn't digested I think I'd have arrived at a disturbing new theory on how Pot Noodles are produced.

On an educational level (for those reading this blog in the vain hope that it will give you some tips on living with an ileostomy) mushrooms aren't particularly bad. They seem flexible enough to pass through the stoma without causing a blockage. The food you really need to look out for is sweetcorn. This is the one food almost guaranteed to cause a blockage.

If you learn only one thing from this Blog it is this:

Sweetcorn - Just Say No!

(I promise a less distasteful entry next time - just wanted to share this time)

You lot are weird

W2b recently did a post about the strange routes that have led people to her site. In this spirit, I thought I'd show you some of the weirdness that has led to the torrent (well trickle) of traffic to my site:

• lets bitch (from New Jersey)
• she likes it big (from Texas)
• get her pregnant (from Colorado)
• enema (from Washington)
• bloody women (from California)
• sid going (from Auckland)
• she's just a devil woman (from California)
• bloody women (from Ontario this time)
• overcome fear of colonoscopy sedation (from Virginia, not so much weird as just very, very specific)
• decorate my aim profile (from Massachusetts, how did this lead to my blog?)
• how to be nice to a bitch (from Oklahoma)

All I can say is that the quality of search engines seems to have gone down hill a lot. Oh, and that I had no idea Cliff Richard's fan base extended to California.

Back's a lot better, by the way.

Dangerous profession

Coal miners get dodgy lungs. Carpet fitters get dodgy knees. Brick layers get arthritic fingers (according to our builder anyway).

We geeks get bad backs.

After the weekend's exersion (painting, remember) and the aches and pains yesterday I woke up this morning with much soreness. The whole top of my back, along the shoulders was stiff as a board. So I went into work but it just kept getting worse. My back felt like it was seizing up with tight muscles all down.

So here I am, lying in bed.

Has given me a chance to catch up on "Extras". All the disruption around moving house meant that we missed it first time round. So we popped out and bought it on Sunday.

On to the third episode now and while it's not "The Office", it is good. Glad I'm watching it on my own though. W2b finds Ricky Gervais' stuff excrutiating. She likes it and thinks it's funny, but insists on doing other stuff while it's on. Think it's so she can hide her face whenever it gets too painful.

So anyway, back to the deev. Will try and find a position to lie in that means that my back will sort itself out.

Thanks for the comment Zinnia. You do realise you've opened a whole can of stalking related worms now?

Military Maneuvers

So as anyone who's been reading w2b's blog will know, we're officially trying (and no, that isn't the reason that I've not posted for almost a week).

"Trying" - it's such a cheesy term, but then again this whole baby making thing is a bit of an odd thing to embark on.

Setting aside the fact that my beloved has planned this thing with military precision (requiring us to embark on what we've come to refer to as "binge sex"), it does seem to have turned our sex life upside down. No, I don't mean that we're experimenting with new positions requiring pulleys and hoists. It's just that after all this time of being careful, taking precautions and just having sex for the fun of it we're now doing it for the reason that the non-existent deity designed it for.

So my soldiers now have a mission. They've completed their basic training and now they're finally seeing some action. Confidence is high, but I can't help worrying about the little fellers. They've had plenty of war games to get their tactics right. But they're still untested in the field.

The hopes of a nation are with you.

In other news, we still haven't come up with our vows yet. Thankyou though to Zinnia for your kind offer of help and advice. I may well take you up on the book suggestion. But if that fails I may also be knocking on your door (figuratively speaking) and asking for help.

Oh, and Zin... I've finally caught up with your Blog and can get my head round the style - and it's a very enjoyable read too. I get the feeling that you're in the process of changing it though. Cheeky monkey! Don't you realise how simple my tiny little man-brain is?

In the next exciting episode - pictures of our dining room. Lots of painting over the weekend. Can barely move shoulders. Purely from the painting, you must understand - not for any other reasons ;)

(Note to self, must get cushioned straps for hoist)

Do you vow to make it your aim to take this woman in secular matrimony into the foreseeable future?

We've been talking wedding vows today. It's so difficult for people like us who are (a) atheists (or at least a-religious) and (b) keen to make a public commitment to each other that matches our realistic views.

So all of the "God willings", "holy matrimonies" and "in the eyes of God" are out (come to think of it, I don't think anyone would put God willing in their vows - kind of non-committal really). Also out are "for all eternity" and "till death do us part". Don't get me wrong, w2b are heavily committed to each other (at least I hope we are... quick get a refund on the rings). But - and I'm struggling to put this into the right words without devaluing our love and commitment for each other - we're also keen not to make the same hollow promises that everyone else does.

We want to show that where we are at the moment and where we've been for as long as we've been properly together is a position where we can't imagine not being together. But we're not arrogant or deluded enough to think that we know precisely what the future holds. There - you see how negative that sounds? Do you see why we're struggling to find the right vows?

We don't want this to turn in to some kind of legal text, e.g.

I <Insert Name> (from here on in referred to as "The Groom") undertake to carry out duties and tasks as laid out in section 8a for <Insert Name> (from here on in referred to as "The Bride").
The Groom also undertakes to have feelings for The Bride as laid out in section 8b. This shall be carried out in perpetuity unless terminated in accordance with clauses 10a to 10e (inclusive).

We want this to be a celebration of the love we have for each other and of the commitment we are making towards each other. So it needs to be quite short, joyful and overwhelmingly optimistic about the future. But it can't be hollow, overly sentimental or sugary-sweet.

The closest I've found so far is this:

"(Name), I promise to love you, to be your best friend, to respect and support you, to be patient with you, to work together with you to achieve our goals, to accept you unconditionally, and to share life with you throughout the years."

It's good, but I'm not sure it's quite there. If only we knew someone who was used to carrying out non-religious ceremonies... ;)

Crohn's Disease, Ileostomy, Stoma...

W2b's recent post got me thinking. I go to all the trouble of pouring out all the crap (no pun intended) that I went through with this stinking disease thinking that no matter how hard it was to rake over the coals again, at least other people going through similar things might stumble across my blog and realise that they're not alone.

So I do a Blog search on Crohn's Disease... no sign of my blog. On Ileostomy... nothing. On Stoma... nada. All I get are the same blogs that led me to signing on to Planetostomy.

W2b does a couple of posts in which she mentions that she used to get a bit of a spanking by her Stepdad (who's a lovely guy by the way, I don't recognise him from the man that w2b describes to me of the past) and suddenly she's Madam Whiplash.

So I've tried to go a bit more blatant and put the search words in the title. That'll teach them.

By the way, if you have happened to find yourself here and you were hoping for some tips on living with Crohn's Disease or an Ileostomy, please feel free to read the archives. Truly though, the best things I can tell you are what I've found out:

1. You're not weird for having this bewildering array of feelings about yourself. It's natural even long after your diagnosis to go through strange feelings of guilt at the worry that you've brought on those people who care about you, to have a crushingly low opinion of your worth, to feel like you're somehow different to everyone around you and so on. You're mind's got a big shock to deal with and it'll deal with it in some odd ways sometimes.
2. You may not believe it, but if you meet someone who genuinely loves you they are not going to give two shits (there I go again) about whether or not you have different plumbing to them. Hell, if you're heterosexual then that would have been the case anyway. At least if you fart in bed they won't smell it.
3. Get used to talking about shit. It's gonna form quite a big part of your life from now on. Plus, get used to your shitting habits being the topic of conversation in all kinds of company that you wouldn't have expected.
4. Grow yourself a sense of humour. There's a lot of "there-there" websites and support groups out there. But they can often perpetuate the feelings of you being a patient and not a full member of society. The best thing you can do is grow some balls, try (no matter how hard it seems) to find the humour in what you're going through and if it gets really bad for God's sake get help. Camp out on your GP's doorstep if need be.
5. Don't compare your pain or suffering to other peoples'. Yes, knowing other people are having a hard time can help put things into perspective. But you need to know that other people's pain does not in some way make yours any less or more important.
6. It's not what happens to people that is important, it's how they react to it. Everything we go through helps shape the people we are. If you're lucky, one day you may even feel glad for (or at least have no regrets about) what you've been through as it has made you into who you are.

So anyway, let's see if that works. Come all ye Crohn's sufferers and people who poo out of their bellies.

Kind of another anniversary

I always get a bit soppy when w2b is away, even if it's for a relatively short period. Tonight she's taking advantage of our company's box at Old Trafford and watching Man Utd play Barnet. So in the mood of soppiness, I started to reminisce and realised that it's kind of another one of our anniversaries.

So when we left our story, w2b and I had passed like ships in the night. We'd got on well and there was the tiniest undercurrent of mutual attraction, but we returned to our daily lives unaware of there being any more.

For the month of October we had a bit of correspondence, but just the usual support-client stuff - nothing more. Then (and yes, this is a very innocuous and dry way for a relationship to start) I sent a Company Satisfaction survey out to all the users of the product that w2b was working with. The survey was all handled anonymously, so I had no idea who was saying what in the responses and a week after sending it out I sent a blanket email out to all potential respondents saying that the survey would only run for a short while longer... here's how the conversation progressed (thankyou to our CRM database here):

w2b,

The on-line survey has proved very popular so far, with results coming in thick and fast. If you have already responded to the survey, then many thanks. If you have not yet had the chance, then please be aware that the survey will be shut down at 5:30pm on Monday 3rd November.

Note that the survey has been run on a strictly anonymous basis, so if there are any issues raised in the survey that you need to discuss with us in person please contact us directly.

Regards,

mms

Hi mms,

I have completed the survey, I was probably one of the first :-) I have a couple of things that I need to discuss with you but I'll give you a call later... what is the best number to get hold of you on?

Regards,

w2b

Thanks w2b. Hopefully you said nice things. Ring me on #### ######.

I said ALL nice things about you ;-) and I even mentioned you by name (I hope my cheque is in the post :-)

I'll put you on the Christmas card list. Rumours about the kind of money we IT types make are vastly exaggerated.

I'll look forward to the card, as long as your number's on the back.

Such a smooth talker... such a minx.

So we talked. We started flirting. The calls got more frequent and more intense. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. I went into this thinking that it would be a bit of fun - I'd been single for way too long and the attention was exactly what I needed. But I was starting to get really strong feelings for this girl.

We would talk first thing in the morning. We would email each other all through the day. We would talk and IM all through the evening and night. It got to the point where I knew w2b better than most of my friends.

But we always steered clear of the habitual "I love you" at the end of the call. Despite the feelings that we admitted to each other neither of us were naive enough to believe that we could fall in love with someone who we'd only met once and had only shared time with in a completely platonic way. I think we also had too much respect for the word and for each other to just throw it away in conversation.

So we started to feel like we should meet up. Whatever this relationship was, it couldn't go any further without some kind of physical connection. I started to get a bit scared. This was only around six months after Sid had come along and I wasn't particularly comfortable with myself. How could someone else accept him when I wasn't sure I had yet?

Luckily help came in the fact that when I had originally met w2b I had told one of her colleagues all about Sid. So I hinted and hinted and then finally told her to ask the colleague why I might be reticent about meeting up. She said she would and I waited.

She was fantastic. She didn't pretend it wasn't a big deal. But on the other hand she didn't act like it was some kind of terrible discovery. She was understanding and she asked questions. She said that if anything her feelings for me were stronger because I had disclosed this to her (admittedly in a cowardly way).

So we arranged for w2b to come up to Chester and visit. It would be a Friday night and she cunningly arranged to have to be back in London on the Saturday night - you've got to admire a girl for putting in place a pre-emptive exit strategy that would minimise embarrassment all round.

I needn't have worried. In spite of my inability to get food from plate to mouth without half of it going down my front at dinner and my misgivings about the prospect of being seen naked - bag and all - by a girl who wasn't a nurse it went fantastically well. We spent an amazing night together. There was passion, there was talking, there was comfort in being with someone who I'd grown to care so deeply about and being able to reach over and touch that person whenever I wanted. We spent a great day together, proving to ourselves that this wasn't just a correspondence thing and neither was it just a passion thing. When Saturday evening came and w2b had to head back I was both sad that she was going and wonderfully happy that she was even more than I'd hoped.

I could admit it now. I was completely, absolutely in love.

The following months were spent in feverish correspondence. Our phone bills were astronomical. Virtually every weekend was spent together (mainly her coming to see me, but also vice versa).

The more I got to know her the more utterly, bewilderingly blown away I was by her. She could hold her own in any company (she went to our Christmas dinner at work and I never once had to worry about whether she would be comfortable with my colleagues or what she might say to them). She was refreshingly, almost painfully honest. I never had to second guess what she was thinking or worry about what she was doing when I wasn't with her. Plus, she was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever met - with massive green eyes, a voice that could make my heart skip and... God I could go on for hours, but I'll only bore you and make w2b horribly embarrassed when she inevitably comes to read this.

Somehow we had become committed to each other wholly and unequivocally, without any discussion. We knew that this was something special. It was just after Christmas and already we could talk matter of factual about spending the rest of our lives together. I jokingly mentioned marriage and somehow it sounded right. From then on, without a proper proposal (that would come later) we simply assumed that marriage would be a logical next step for us. It was testament to a modern take on the old fashioned way that people used to get together - an extended, non-physical courtship followed only after getting to know someone truly intimately by a physical relationship. With the physical relationship merely supplementing a love that was already there but not fully accepted until then.

We had the odd bump along the way (which I or w2b may fill you in on at some point). But somehow everything seemed to find it's own way of fitting into place.

In May 2004, w2b packed all her belongings (a surprisingly large amount of belongings actually, when you think she'd arrived in London less than a year earlier with just one bag) into her little Clio that she'd just bought and we drove up to Chester to start our lives together.

Two dogs and a wrecked house that may never be finished later and I am still blissfully happy. I am also unbelievably thankful of the hand that fate dealt me.

Hi folks

Hi, long time no see. I seem to be saying that a lot recently. Need to either:

a) Improve my commitment to my blog.
b) Get over the fact that I don't update it every day.

So what's been going on since last week?

Well we finished the West Wing. Darned good it was too. We did kind of OD though. Was having strange West Wing style dreams. Normal situations, people I know, but all paced and acted out in a West Wing fashion. Most bizarre.

We got the cats back. They haven't changed a bit. Still as endearingly affectionate as before. They have kept us awake a bit (we've been crammed in one room a lot of the time as only the bedroom - which I'm sure you're familiar with by now - is even close to finished).

Deliberately didn't post anything on Friday night as I was feeling a little down about work. Won't go into it in much detail except to say it was a poorly handled pay negotiation that left me feeling pretty under valued and pissed off. Had another talk with my boss today and at least had a chance to vent my spleen. Don't think it'll change anything, but it at least left me feeling like I'd had my say.

So tata for now. I won't commit to being back tomorrow, but I will at least express an intent to get back to updating this in a more regular fashion.

Before I go though, don't worry, Zinnia - I'm quite prepared for others to admire w2b ;) If I think she's the most incredible person in the world, it stands to reason that others may think she's a little more than ok too. You can look, but don't touch - ok?

Just popping in...

Been away for a bit. This has been for two reasons. One was that we had a team building event yesterday followed by a meal (read: piss-up) and the other is that w2b and I have become hooked once again to West Wing.

Since we last spoke our bed has arrived. So we have (drum roll please....)

Moved In!

The new bed is lovely as you can see. Its big and chunky and wood. More than anything though, its not a caravan.

It does draw attention to the fact that the old bit of the house is very, very wonky. But we like to think that it's all part of the charm of the place.

Thankyou, by the way Zinnia for the comment. I have to disagree with you though. I think that w2b's butt is rather lovely. But then I think all of w2b is rather lovely.

Back to the team building then. It was actually pretty good. I think it went about as well as it could given the natural British reserve and the developers' lack of enthusiasm for anything that involves sunlight.

Sid made it through the day well, although he's a little bruised. One part of the day required our group to construct a platform out of logs and rope and dangle this above a "mine field". Although people in my group new of my condition, they seemed to forget about it and decided that I should be the one to lie prone on the platform and "clear the mine field" - due primarily to the fact that I was the lightest. Subtle hints about the kind of explosion that might ensue (yes, I'm referring to poo here rather than imaginary mines) were lost on them. My natural disinclination regarding backing out of anything due to my ileostomy meant that I just dived straight in. It was only afterwards when I said that maybe picking the guy who poo'd out of his belly wasn't the best idea in the world did the penny drop.

So he was feeling a little sorry for himself today. But I've changed him and he seems a lot happier now.

So anyway, where was that West Wing DVD.

(see you once we've sated ourselves)

Taking shape

It was another one of those back breaking painting days, but at least now it's starting to feel worthwhile.

The walls weren't in the best of states so we had to use a really thick paint that contains polyfila (and that's the spelling I'm keeping, so there). This means that each dip of the paint brush covers roughly a square foot of wall and a dip of the roller covers twice that if you're lucky. You've also got to be careful that the each stroke doesn't take off almost as much plaster as the paint covers.

But at least now that we've finished one coat, the room is starting to take shape and look like we intend it to. What you can't probably make it from the images is that we really need to do a second coat - which might be tricky considering that our bed arrives tomorrow.

By the way, the blur in the bottom right of this one is w2b bending over to collect another dollop of paint on her roller. Before you ask, yes I did do my fair share (I've realised when looking through these entries over time they tend to sound like "w2b did this and that hard work while I sat around on my arse and played XBox").


This last image is only included because we're really chuffed with our new windows - probably out of all relation to how chuffed we should be, but we've been starved of this kind of thing for a while now. If you look closely you can see the beginnings of w2b's butt cheeks in the bottom right of the image.

Such a tease ;)

We got to decorate!

Another one of those "unaccustomed as I am to physical labour" days.

Finally got a chance to start decorating our bedroom today, in preparation for... wait for it...

Our New Bed!

Yes, after over six months of living in the caravan we might be about to sleep in a real bed. Who knows what that might lead to... ;p

So today was spent sanding walls with an electric sander, wiping them down with sugar soap and then making a start on the painting (with thick, thick paint cos there's no way to make those walls smooth).

It's all very rewarding, but has left me feeling very achey. If only the bed had arrived already and I could look forward to sleeping in it. Roll on Tuesday.

Before I go, I've just got to add that the guy on that Jack Osbourne thing - I think his name is Mike - is an absolute dick. Wish someone would cut his rope.

Hey, long time no see

Howzit!

Yes, I know I've been away. I can assure you that it wasn't anything personal. There's no excuse really, I'm just a lazy git.

So what's been going on? Well something and nothing really. House is still continuing it's glacier-like progress towards being finished. We've got some windows in. We've got doors upstairs (you've got to see the door for the bedroom - it's so cute). This weekend will be spent sanding walls and if we're lucky painting them.

Yesterday one of w2b's friends and his boyfriend came over to visit. Admittedly, we couldn't be particularly hospitable (not having much of a house to have them stay) but luckily there's a rather nice, charming (well... kind of twee, but hey we were catering for foreigners) hotel down a little footpath from our house.

So last night we went out for a meal and once again I was blown away by just how great w2b's friends are. I always feel a little worried when meeting one for the first time. I am after all the one who is keeping her away from them in this dreary little country. So I'd better pass muster. This worry instantly fades when I realise that her friends are some of the warmest, most caring people you could ever meet. I have yet to meet one that has not impressed me with how quickly they feel like they are my friends too.

Anyway, I'm rambling as usual and The West Wing starts soon. God I love that show. One day I'll tell you just how obsessively in love with it we are and the DVD binges that we've had.

LoveYaBye (as my beloved so charmingly put it)

We're getting a house...

Its happening very, very slowly but out of the debris a house is emerging. Today was door and window day. The windows for the old part of the house arrived and Paul (builder) got to work staining them. We're so glad we went for hard wood windows. I never thought I could get excited about window frames, but these are beautiful. They're hand crafted out of gorgeous wood that's now been stained a rich brown that brings out the grain. They're stunning and currently hanging from the ceiling in our dining room as they dry.

While this was going on, Ted (weird, old carpenter dude) got to work on the interior doors upstairs. He's making a great job of them. They too are really well crafted. They are perfectly balanced, so no matter what level of ajarness (it's a word, honest) you leave them at they just stay there.

...

You can tell there hasn't been much noticeable progress for a while.

The TV and Amp arrived today too. The TV is *Fucking Huge*. It's staying in it's box for a while to avoid being damaged, which means we can't really walk around the kitchen. I'm hoping it acts as another spur for the builders - as in, please finish the room so we can watch this thing.

Still reading that Terry Goodkind book, still playing Morrowind. Now listening to a CD that my brother sent through. Sounds good so far, although w2b seemed to think that one of the hip-hop tracks sounded like something out of a musical and then proceeded to regale me with how she could write a musical, she really could. Apparently it would be set in Brixton and would be a hip-hop version of West Side Story... or something.

... tired of waiting...

Now that we've got through the initial going backwards period and things are going in the right direction, I'm starting to get itchy. It's just all going soooo slowly.

• The kitchen still has to be finished off. All the delays caused by our electricians being so useless meant that the fitter could only do so much before he went on holiday. He did a damn fine job, but now we want it to be finished.
• The bathroom... now yes, I know I raved about how well the Dolphin guy did. But we've got a bit of a leak when we have a shower. A leak that drips through the ceiling into the ground floor. Dolphin don't, as yet seem to give a shit.
• No other rooms are finished!!! Just please, give us one room. Just one. That's all I ask for.

A lot of this down to the date. Its October now. That's about seven months since we started this escapade. We started in summer so that we wouldn't freeze our nuts off in the caravan. Nut freezing time is approaching. But we have no bedroom to sleep in.

Not only that, but it is exactly two months now to our wedding. This puts me in a really difficult position psychologically. I want the day to approach really badly. I really can't wait. I'm sure w2b's mother would like a little more time [1], but hell - I want it to happen now! But on the other hand there just seems to be a mountain to climb with the house before we go. I just can't face the prospect of coming back from South Africa to a half finished house.

Last but not least, our tv arrives tomorrow. Where the hell are we gonna put it? The builders can't walk past a piece of furniture without getting plaster on it. What damage could they do to a 42" tv?

So pardon me for ranting. I just want this all done...

NOW!

Thankyou for your time.

[1] Just re-read that and I think I might have given the wrong impression. Mil2b (Mother-in-law to be, may have to rethink that - sounds like something out of American Pie) is really enthusiastic about our wedding. It's just what with her being in SA, she's been saddled with a lot of the wedding planning.

Stiff as a board

I'm really not accustomed to physical labour. Today was spent stripping the walls of the room that is going to be our bedroom. This took us from about 11:00am to about 3:00pm. Boy was it tiring.

This was followed by cleaning the bathroom. Its seemed like a bit of a fruitless task until now, what with the amount of dust and dirt blowing around the house. But after a bath last night where I wasn't sure if I came out cleaner or dirtier I decided to bite the bullet.

All in all quite a successful day. In spite of the aches and pains in my body, it being accustomed to work of a more cerebral nature (read sitting behind a desk), its good to have days like this. Not only does it make you feel more justified in slobbing out for the remainder, but it also feels like we are contributing in some small way towards turning this place into a home.

Off for a bath again in a second - as much to ease my muscles as to get clean. Hardly any XBox[1] today thanks to being too tired. So yes, w2b has done her magic once again in curbing my addiction. If you'll allow me to be sloppy for a moment, I'd just like to say that I would never have the inclination to do this kind of thing if it wasn't for her and I also wouldn't enjoy doing it so much if I didn't have her as a workmate. So no matter how frustrated I may seem while doing it, it all seems more than worthwhile at the thought of the home we are creating together and the many happy times we'll have in it.

So tired... so, so tired.

[1] For anyone who doesn't know ;) an XBox is a really nice, but getting quite old games console. I've had mine for quite a while now and am looking forward to the next generation one which comes out at the end of November. I'm looking forward more of course to having a decent living room to enjoy it in. Oh, and you need a tv to play it with Zinnia.

The obsessive/completist gene

I'm not one for sweeping generalisations about the difference between men and women. Maybe its something to do with the fact that I've got quite a few female qualities and w2b has quite a few male ones.

Woooah there! Let me just expand on that a little. What I mean by that is not that I walk around in a dress or am in any way camp. I certainly don't mean that w2b is some kind of hod carrying, short haired, comfortable shoe wearer. But the way we divide things between ourselves and the way we react to things is often against type. W2b throws herself into manual labour with a passion and has a disturbing love of power tools. I get choked up at sentimental reality tv shows and am very good at cleaning kitchens and bathrooms.

But there is one personality trait that is very, very male. Most men seem to have it to a greater or lesser extent and it only presents itself in small amounts in women. This trait is what I like to think of as the obsessive/completist gene.

We collect things almost purely for the sake of completeness. Its what leads men I think into things such as train spotting and the twitching type of bird spotting. When we find something we like doing we do it obsessively and repetitively, to the exclusion of everything else and almost to the point of not actually enjoying it anymore - just as long as we're still doing it.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think these tendencies are wholly negative. When channeled correctly and with a useful outlet, men with these tendencies can still be productive members of society. Its one of the reasons (coupled with a love of abstractions and a world dependent on logic) that leads so many men to working in IT. It also allows us to overcome our lack of ability when confronting household tasks like DIY and get the job done no matter what (and no matter how frustrated we get when doing it).

But when channeled wrongly they can turn us into rather stupid, unproductive animals. Take Games Consoles for example.

Usually my XBox playing is cleverly controlled by w2b. Either she will suggest things that we can do together or she will ensure that I have a set number of tasks to complete prior to switching it on. Unfortunately, with no real value to be gained from cleaning the kitchen or bathroom, no decent environment for us to watch a movie, no dogs to look after, no handy, small jobs for me to do and crappy weather outside the safeties were off today. So I ended up getting sucked in and the gene took over. To the extent that by half past two, when w2b returned from her horse riding lesson I had only just got properly dressed, had skipped lunch and by consequence had a headache developing.

It was time for an intervention. A haircut, furniture shopping and Nando's later I was back in the land of the living. But it was touch and go for a while.

W2b has seen the error of her ways - tomorrow we are stripping wallpaper.

My name is MyMateSid and I'm a Morrowind-aholic.

From a support manager's perspective

I know work related posts are a bit risky, but I just wanted to share this one with you...

A small group of our users have been having persistent, intermittent problems. These have been difficult to track down as we're supporting an internet system. So it was decided that the best way to resolve the problems was to create a series of standard questions that would aid us and the wonderful technical guys to track down what was causing the problem (they're IT infrastructure, our servers or something in between).

Here's an example of one of the responses we got to one of the requests for more information (bear in mind that these users are getting incredibly frustrated and want the problem solved NOW!):

Can you provide details of the exact error message that is shown - ideally a screenshot?
No

You can see why sometimes I just want to stay in bed?

Time flies

Time's going by pretty quickly now.

With so much going on, the wedding has kind of crept up on us. Now its getting close and its a little scary.

The funny thing is, I'm in no way nervous about the act of getting married. I could honestly state that I've never been more sure of anything than I am of wanting to marry w2b. Plus, everything seems to be ticking along quite nicely for the big event. I think its just that everyone is so sure its a big deal and something that you should be nervous about that you can't help having some of that rub off on you. You have to struggle quite forcibly to not get sucked up in the group hysteria that surrounds weddings.

So this weekend I think we'll be off to see BM (Best Man). As well as being a great friend he's also an oasis of calm who can cut through a lot of the crap. We'll get a second opinion on what we might have forgotten and what we might like to bear in mind. Plus, I'll enforce on him yet again that I don't want a stag do (mutter, mutter).

Can't wait till we can just fly over to SA and get this show on the road. What with builders, electricians, work and family disputes over the wedding we'll need a break.

All we need now is w2b to find out she's pregnant and I think we'll have got the full set of stressful events ;)

Currently Reading: Wizards First Rule by Terry Goodkind
Currently Playing: Morrowind (got to complete before Oblivion - at least I've stopped starting new games now)
Currently Listening To: Radio 1, still. Please God let us finish a room so that we can get a decent Hi-Fi in.

Becoming what you hate

Back when I was a bachelor I was endlessly annoyed by those couples.

You know the ones. They're so smug about how great their relationships. They spend so much time together that they are like one, single, two-headed entity.

Well, you know what?

We've become one.

We finish each other's sentences. We have this strangely amalgamated language that is a mixture of w2b's strange South Africanisms (well, her slightly odd babble anyway) and my northernness and unintelligible mumbled english.

At work, things that should be said to both of us are said to just one. People seem to accept a kind of symbiotic, telepathic link between the two of us. Half the time we're kind of interchangeable.

At home, we descend into a strange kind of babble. We'll turn to each other and make the same half-arsed comment about something we hear on the radio or see on tv.

The other day I caught myself nodding in time to some random humming that the w2b was getting up to. It wasn't even a real tune for Christ's sake.

Thing is, I kind of like it. I like to think of it as a sign of how easy life is with the two of us.

Have to say though, I pity our kids.

Its our anniversary

Well one of them, anyway...

Its exactly two years to the day since w2b and I first met. So I guess its story time again.

W2b was a newly appointed administrator for one our clients. Back in those days it was part of my responsibility to train administrators. She was in London and I was in Chester. So off I toddled with The Bitch That No Longer Works For Us (oh, now there's a story for another blog) the afternoon before for her training. We started drinking on the train. We then had a meal at a restaurant run by TBTNLWFU's friend in Covent Garden. She was getting drunk and becoming quite boring company so I phoned up my best friend from Uni, who lives and works in London to see if he wanted to meet up for a couple.

TBTNLWFU turned in around ten but I had quite a few months of catching up to do (remember this was the year that Sid was born). My mate and I eventually stopped some time after midnight in the hotel bar.

Then it was up at around seven to find our way to w2b's place of work. We struggled our way through breakfast and then stumbled into her office around nine. TBTNLWFU was so hung over she could barely focus on the monitor screen. I mumbled my way through the training, which luckily passed by pretty quickly (w2b's pretty bright, you know).

We got on. Conversation wasn't forced at all. TBTNLWFU commented afterwards that w2b and I chatted about things that she couldn't follow. Maybe it was just her hangover. Or the fact that she was thick as pig shit. I remember thinking vaguely that w2b was quite attractive, but had to admit to not being focused enough to think much more. TBTNLWFU was feeling pretty ill by the afternoon and had to go back to lie down. I got roped into some additional work by w2b's kind of boss. Somehow I ended up telling him about Sid.

After that, I went back to Chester on my own. Tired, feeling the usual sense of satisfaction from a successful day with a client.

Romantic, eh?

Little did I know that the hour or so I spent with w2b would change my life. But that's for a later date.

Suffice to say that the random nature of our meeting almost made me - Mr logical, atheist, rationalist - start to believe in fate.

It probably ranks as the most important day of my life.

I love the smell of pine trees in the morning

It might just be me, but it seems that things are progressing at hyperspeed now.

Not only do we have full electrics and a first coat of render on the house, but today we started to reclaim the garden. Or rather the nice heavy duty garden service did. Its incredible to see workers actually working. Especially when they do so at such high speed.

Within the space of just a few hours, we had done our bit for global warming and lost two massive trees. It makes a massive difference. We now have light flooding into the tv room and can see all the way from the bottom of the drive to the top of the house.

All of this must have made us a bit giddy. Over the course of about quarter of an hour I had bought a home cinema mag, found an article on a really nice sounding tv and then w2b (its important that its noted that w2b did this - just in case their are future repercussions) was onto the internet and we'd bought a Plasma tv. Must give a bit of a plug for Sound and Vision here. Damn good price, quick turnaround and no delivery fee - even across the border from Bolton to North Wales.

So the checklist for what we've ordered for sheer geekish couch-potato-dom now goes as follows:

Comfy Sofa - Check
XBox 360 - Check
Plasma TV - Check

The amp and speakers may well be bought tomorrow - cos I can't go back to the old ones with all this nice kit.

...

You see what a geek I am. I've been trying so hard to keep it all in check, but once I let it loose it just gets out of control. Ah well, my secrets out.

In the same spirit:

Currently Reading: Wizards First Rule by Terry Goodkind

Currently Playing: Morrowind

Currently Listening To: Happy Mondays on the TV. God that was surreal. Not a bad track though.

We bought the shop

If you've been reading w2b's blog (and yes, the reason for there only being one blog entry from sid and the pig yesterday is because I was earning the pennies while w2b followed the workers round with a crowbar and I therefore needed some escapism in the form of XBox) you'll know that our building site of a home has been transformed into a palatial picture of luxury due to the addition of a kitchen with working appliances.

So last night we tried and failed to grocery shop. We failed. Miserably.

It was just so difficult. We've not done this for ages and therefore just stumbled around the supermarket like those dazed students you see at the start of term.

So today, we tried again. This time we got it right. Oh boy, did we get it right. We started at one end and worked our way through buying up the place. If they'd made bigger trolleys we'd still be there now.

Ah, food that you can put in the freezer. Food that you can put in the fridge. Food that needs more than one gas ring. Food that you can cook in the oven. I think our bodies are going to go into shock.

As if that wasn't enough, we returned to a fully wired (well except for one spot light in the bedroom, but this is our electrician remember - you can't have everything). So I promptly went round and switched all the lights on. Even let Sid in on the fun by changing him, including a shave in our electrically lit bathroom.

I really don't know how we're going to cope when this place is finished. Maybe as with everything, you have to experience the bad before you can fully appreciate the good.

Continuing my habit of making a half arsed attempt at a regular theme, I'll now include a bit of info about my tastes at the moment:

Currently Reading: Wizards First Rule by Terry Goodkind
Currently Playing: Morrowind
Currently Listening To: The Radio (sadly no decent hi-fi yet)