Part 1 - The Wedding (Off to see the other Dad)

So we had our honeymoon and it was fantastic.

Then it was back to Johannesburg and goodbye to most of our party. BM stayed on and our SA friends who had accompanied us went off to enjoy the sun and countryside.

The next part of our holiday was to be spent in Kwazulu-Natal with Pig's biological father (I came to the conclusion through the holiday that "real" father was an unfair title, as her step-father is way more of a real father than the one who supplied her genes). This part of the holiday was a bit surreal.

We were to stay with Dad v.1, his partner and a couple of his friends in a guest house that they had arranged. So we drove the few hundred miles from JHB to Howick with the aim of getting more detailed directions once we'd arrived. We got there and gave him a ring. He informed us that they were at another friend's house. They were having some drinks and would be having a barbecue (well, obviously he didn't call it that being South African but I'm done with my colloquialisms for the moment). Could we pick up some drinks and some food?

No problem, we thought and bought the supplies. I phoned him back to get directions and he handed me over to a very confused guy who gave me vague but strangely successful directions to their place.

We rolled up and were greeted by a strange site. A middle aged (and rather gone to seed) woman in the skimpiest bikini you could imagine. A feral child of about three wandering naked and refusing to be controlled by anyone. Dad v.1 and his partner lounging in the sun and obviously a little worse for wear. A young couple (the parents of the feral one) and their baby. None of them quite sure what was going on. They'd been to see a white sangoma (I know that isn't the right spelling). They were all a little altered.

It was summed up by two things:

1) It took three hours before one of the party turned to the pig and asked if she and Dad v.1 were related, "cos you look alike".
2) Roughly an hour after this, the sangoma and her two apprentices turned up with a bottle of champagne. When we asked what the champagne was for we were informed it was the guy of the young couple's birthday. We'd been there four hours and no-one had thought it was worth telling us this.

It was all a bit... odd.

So that afternoon and evening passed and we followed the slightly inebriated couple back to the guest house we'd be staying in.

The next day we'd be visiting a sea-world type place (on Dad v.1's partner's prompting) in Durban.

We got up in the morning to find v.1 and his partner about to set off to collect the mad middle-aged woman from the weird people's guest house. He'd pick up his mother (Pig's grandmother) and see us at the sea world type place.

We got there and had a look around. Pig phoned v.1. He was running late so he said we should enjoy ourselves for a bit. It was a bit of a miserable day so we looked through some shops and sat on the beach in the drizzle. We phoned again. They were still running late. We got some lunch. We wandered around a bit more. V.1 finally phoned - he'd arrived. We accompanied them while they had lunch. Then we went to the aquarium. Then we went home. Ace!

Now one thing I should just explain to you is that Dad v.1 is a bit of a thinker. He used to be an architect and then scaled back his life to find himself. He's been writing a book for about ten years. His open mindedness has had a very positive influence on Pig and the way she approaches the world. But now, he's retreated into the world of theory so much that he doesn't seem overly connected to the real world. His life is so theoretical that other people's schedules don't matter to him. Other people's feelings often seem to pass him by. He adapts his perception to fit into his theoretical view of the world. He self edits to such an extent that it's almost as if he doesn't see the same world as you or I would.

That evening was spent Ten Pin Bowling. I don't mind telling you that v.1 was crap. Theory is all well and good, but it doesn't really help in games of skill. We slaughtered him. It gave me far more pleasure than it should.

The next day we went to the mall to do our Christmas shopping. Once that was out of the way we could concentrate on the main purpose of our being there - making our marriage legal.

You see, even though v.1 had performed marriage ceremonies before his forethought hadn't extended to how we would make it legal. We thought it only right therefore to get the legal side of things sorted out in such a way that the person who performed the ceremony could at least be there when we made it legal. We had a vain hope that he might even help us a bit.

No such luck.

On that morning, as we prepared to head off to the Magistrates Court, v.1 said his goodbyes and he and his partner headed off to the beautiful countryside near Lesotho. We would have to do this ourselves...